dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize