He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
