i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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