Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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