I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you had me at cake vodka
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
