they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
