'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize