I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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