I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
