I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
