Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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