Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
