We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
