i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
