can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
