non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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