I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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