woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
