Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
