Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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