i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize