hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
