he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
