can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
