You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
