I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
operation harelip BJ is a go
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
