Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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