You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
