Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
