"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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