it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
