Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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