so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
