I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
