Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
