Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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