why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
