just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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