this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
