my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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