No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
