just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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