Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
