she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
