i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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