My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
