I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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