I skipped work to stalk him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
