What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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