Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(706): View more from Georgia

New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight

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(925): View more from California

anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?

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(559): View more from California

Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.

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