Im at strip club and am horny
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
