Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
