next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
