I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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