In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
