You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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