2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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