but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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