I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
