this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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