Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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