Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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