Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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