i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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