OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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