I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
