You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
