One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
