awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize