I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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