I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
