I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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