If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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