My friends, they love my intelligence
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize