Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
