You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
