Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
