Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
