this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
well, you know. whores of a feather.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
