Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
bring money and cleavage
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
