I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
