I cockslap morals
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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