if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize