You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
