Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
