So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
