just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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