At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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