was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
