This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
