moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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