Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
