This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
