Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
